Rewrite a fairy tale

Rewrite a fairy tale as one of the following:

A press release
A medical report
The topic of a conversation between two (or more) people

Sleeping beauty might lend itself to this ... Coma? Narcolepsy? ME?

This was our writing challenge for Thursday 4th September.

In response, we received this wonderfully retold tale by Fran Hill.

Dear Doctor

Thank you for sending me Grandmother, your patient, for a consultation, and for raising your concerns about her health. I agree there are urgent matters to be dealt with and look forward to working with you as a medical colleague to alleviate her distress.

I have never encountered the condition ‘Trapped-inside-a-wolf-itis’ before and indeed it made examination difficult. In my consulting room, it is not often I say‘Please open your mouth as wide as possible’ to someone not actually the patient, but someone who has eaten the patient. However, with the wonders of modern technology, a camera on a long wire, I was able to insert this into the wolf’s alimentary canal and view Grandmother. She looks remarkably well for someone consumed by a large hairy animal, though she is rather squashed in there, and I doubt that her pre-existing arthritic condition is benefiting much from her current situation. She appears to be fully-clothed in a lace cardigan and tweed skirt; I assume this means the condition was of sudden onset.

My prognosis would have been pessimistic, had it not been for a woodcutter who leapt into my consulting room in the middle of the consultation, claiming to be the father of a Miss Hood, and wielding an enormous axe. Axes not being my preferred surgical implement for delicate operations such as releasing Grandmothers from those who have digested them, I offered instead, as politely as possible, the suggestion that a scalpel might result in a better outcome for Grandmother, his mother. With the woodcutter’s permission, I operated immediately, having anaesthetised the wolf with the head of the woodcutter’s axe in a way, I have to say, was remarkably efficient and much cheaper than the usual NHS dose of Desflurane. (You will note that I have copied this letter to the Secretary of State for Health).

For a woman of 92, Grandmother’s recovery has been extremely rapid and she is now sitting up in bed reading a book called ‘Home Security and its Advantages’. The wolf, I am pleased to say, never recovered from the operation.

Should Grandmother have any further medical concerns, please do not hesitate to refer her back to me. 

Yours sincerely

Dr Lou Pinesolutions

Posted on September 11, 2014 .